


elixir for dummies

by frozentundra



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, First Kiss, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozentundra/pseuds/frozentundra
Summary: "Picture this, Sasuke: Naruto being head over heels for you. One whole day of Naruto doting on you. Imagine that." Suigetsu devilishly grinned at him, wiggling his eyebrows which Sasuke found disturbing."Gross. Stop that." he palmed Suigetsu's face, pushing the horrendous thing away from him. "Also, no. We arenotgoing to use a love potion on Naruto. Absolutely not."
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 13
Kudos: 250





	elixir for dummies

Fifth-year Uchiha Sasuke of Slytherin House is used to getting what he wants. At any cost. After all, Slytherins are famously known for being the most _cunning_ among the Houses, resorting to extreme measures for the sake of fulfilling their deeply craved ambitions. 

Born from a wealthy pure-blood family, Sasuke is served literally anything at a single snap of his fingers. Sometimes he works for it, sometimes he doesn't. But the results are all the same: he sees it, he gets it.

Except for that one thing he's been longing to get a hold of for nearly three years in the dashing form of a complete idiot Gryffindor with sunshine hair, exuberant blue eyes, and a blinding smile: Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke had known he was in deep, deep shit the moment Naruto accidentally blew up the classroom during Potions class back in their second year. Professor Umino had been absolutely livid he sent Naruto to detention and took 50 points from Gryffindor. The class laughed, faces and robes covered in soot, and Naruto had been so flustered then, sheepishly chuckling with the rest of them. Sasuke had thought it was the cutest thing he's ever seen since arriving at Hogwarts.

Three years later, Sasuke was still smitten. It didn't help that Naruto was also in his every class. Transfiguration was that one class he looked extra forward to because the Gryffindor was his partner in every activity and Sasuke would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy every second of it. If it were any other student, he would have gotten them suspended for turning his hair pink during that one time. But, well, it was Naruto. Of course Sasuke had shrugged it off. Naruto had let out a bubbly laugh, his eyes twinkling, saying Sasuke looked real pretty in pink. He'd called Naruto an idiot, cheeks turning almost the same shade as his hair.

They weren't exactly the best of friends, but they were no strangers either. Sasuke and Naruto's apparently perplexing dynamic ranges from exchanging friendly little smiles at the corridors to calling each other names until they go on a full blown tirade of the most offensive insults they could think of. It was amusing, and it was one of the things Sasuke liked about Naruto. The guy was just as relentless as him, taking everything Sasuke throws at him head on, and not even being the least offended. It was safe to say Naruto wasn't sorted to Gryffindor for nothing, well, not that he doubted the Sorting Hat's accuracy.

"Hey, I've got an idea." Suigetsu said beside him. It was mealtime in the Great Hall and Suigetsu already stuffed down five roasted chicken legs. It had only been five minutes.

Sasuke looked at him with disgust. "No."

"You haven't even heard it yet!"

"Your ideas are horseshit. I'll have none of it."

"Listen, I'm kinda getting tired of you doing absolutely nothing but pathetically look at Naruto from across the hall every time we're here. It's sad, honestly."

"Hey, here's an idea, Suigetsu: mind your own business." 

Suigetsu snorted. "You're being a real killjoy right now. Besides, this great idea of mine will bring zero percent harm and a hundred percent fantastic result. Guaranteed."

"No."

"So there's this shop in Hogsmeade–"

Sasuke didn't like where this was going. "No."

"My brother works there and he says they sell the best love potion in the entire town. And before you say no again, picture this, Sasuke: Naruto being head over heels for you. One whole day of Naruto doting on you. Imagine that." Suigetsu devilishly grinned at him, wiggling his eyebrows which Sasuke found disturbing. 

"Gross. Stop that." he palmed Suigetsu's face, pushing the horrendous thing away from him. "Also, no. We are _not_ going to use a love potion on Naruto. Absolutely not."

"Yes we are. And we will."

Sasuke looked back at the Gryffindor table at the far end of the hall where Naruto seemed to be in the middle of telling a joke to his friends. He frowned, hating the way their Houses were situated on opposite ends, and hating the way those people get to hear Naruto's bright, infectious laugh and all his stupid jokes. He wanted that for himself. He wanted Naruto for himself.

Maybe the love potion idea wasn't horseshit. For Merlin's sake, he's a Slytherin! He shouldn't be thinking twice about doing totally questionable things. It was a normal occurence to them. It's only fitting for him to seize his desires with whatever means necessary. In fact, if he aggressively pursued Naruto no one would even blink. Slytherins always get their way. And he will.

"Fine." he finally said, still watching Naruto. Their eyes met briefly, or at least it was what Sasuke thought happened. There was no way to tell for sure, their tables were too far apart, but Sasuke would take what he can get. For now.

"Yes! That's the spirit!" Suigetsu exclaimed and helped himself on another spoonful of rice pudding. He went on to ramble about totally nonsense things, but Sasuke was too focused on Naruto to pretend he was interested in what his friend was saying.

* * *

Suigetsu went on a solo trip to Hogsmeade on Saturday. Sasuke chose not to go to finish his homework about the highly dangerous effects of, ironically, Amortentia. When Suigetsu entered the Common Room, he had the biggest conniving smile stretching across his face. Sasuke was handed a sickeningly sweet-looking pink liquid contained in a tiny heart-shaped vial. It was ridiculous. It almost looked like it came from Zonko's.

"If this turns out as a hoax, I'm gonna make you throw up slugs and have spiders crawl out of your eyes." he said, not looking up from his homework.

Suigetsu made a face. "Man, you're cruel."

"I'm a Slytherin."

"Touché."

* * *

Monday came and Sasuke was uncharacteristically enthusiastic about the day. Conveniently, he had Transfiguration for his first period, giving his awfully stupid plan high chances of going by smoothly. Naruto was, noticeably a little bit more than usual, all smiles and sunshines and rainbows when he entered the room, ungracefully sitting down next to Sasuke with a breath of ' _Hi_!'. 

Sasuke nodded at him in greeting. "Someone's in a good mood."

"Well, that someone just got an Outstanding in Defense Against the Dark Arts." Naruto said proudly, buffing his chest for dramatics.

"Uzumaki Naruto with an O? Astonishing."

Naruto huffed. "Okay, _Slytherin's_ _pride_. I know you effortlessly get O's in every subject. Don't rub it in my face."

"I'm happy for you, idiot. In fact, I have something for you." Sasuke said, his eyes glinting deviously. He brought out a box of love potion-infused Peppermint Toads from his bag and handed it over to Naruto. "Congratulatory gift?"

Naruto gasped. "No way! My favorite!" he grabbed it excitedly, hastily ripping open the box, and stuffing his mouth two at a time. "You didn't have to get me something!" he said in between mouthfuls.

Sasuke eyed him intently, each chocolate Naruto consumed was a stepping stone to victory. His lips curled in a smirk. "Don't flatter yourself. Suigetsu came back with three bags from Honeydukes."

"Still." Another bite. "A Slytherin with a soft spot? I'll be damned."

"You'll be damned deeper into hell Mr. Uzumaki if you don't put that away." Professor Mitarashi said as she walked to the front of the room. "No eating in my class."

The blonde snickered, eating one last piece before shoving the box under the desk. "Sorry."

He didn't look apologetic.

Sasuke tried to pay attention to Professor Mitarashi's lecture on the Vanishing Spell, all the while observing if there were any changes in Naruto's behavior. He expected Naruto to jump on the desk and declare his undying love for Sasuke, or maybe snog him in front of the whole class.

Naruto did none of those things. He wasn't acting out of the ordinary and was actually furiously taking notes, brows furrowed in concentration, his quill a blur of black in the air.

Sasuke was going to strangle Suigetsu.

The class ended without incident, and Sasuke decided spiders and slugs coming out of Suigetsu's every orifice would not suffice to satisfy his sadistic streak. He needed a worse curse.

Naruto tapped his arm. "Go on a date with me this weekend." 

Pause. 

An alarm went off in his head. Was it finally happening? "A what?"

"A date. You know, where we do cute things and hold hands, maybe even kiss?"

"I know what a date is, idiot."

"Then why did you ask, bastard?"

Sasuke groaned, why did Naruto have to be so difficult? The growing confusion was only adding to the headache he was sporting. 

Did the potion finally take effect? If that was the case, Suigetsu's life would be spared today.

"I have to study for O.W.L.s." Sasuke said before he could stop himself. The Gryffindor was finally, _finally_ asking him out and he was royally blowing it up. He wanted to punch himself in the face.

Naruto looked like a kicked puppy, but there was something else in his eyes. Determination? "Okay, how about later tonight?"

Sasuke blinked. "Are you serious? Where would we even go? You know we're only allowed to Hogsmeade on weekends."

"We don't need to go outside. Just meet me at the Astronomy Tower at midnight."

Sasuke knew bloody well students were permitted entry to the tower only during Astronomy class, otherwise it was off-limits. But he was never one to obey rules. He was born to defy them. "Sure. I'll see you there."

"See ya." Naruto winked at him before walking out of the room, and Sasuke's heart may or may not have somersaulted.

* * *

"Suigetsu, you son of a bitch." Sasuke said when they met at the courtyard on free period. It was noon, and the sun was high up, the two Slytherins sat under the nearest tree for shade. "I can't believe your stupid potion worked."

"Damn, really? Did he fling himself at you and called you darling and peppered you with kisses from the neck up?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at his friend. "You're being oddly specific. But no, the effects were more...subtle. He asked me out on a date."

"How is that subtle?!" Suigetsu almost shrieked. "That's literally the last thing on the list of subtleties."

"I was expecting grandiose displays of affection, you dimwit, not getting asked out privately. Maybe you should tell your brother to up their potion game."

"Yeah, actually I kinda lied to you when I said they sell the best love potion. I only said it to convince you." Suigetsu grinned. "Mangetsu said it was still in development so the effects could be, well, subtle, or none at all."

Sasuke wanted to smack him upside the head. If the potion hadn't worked, there would no longer be a head to smack. "Whatever. It worked anyway."

"Yeah, dude. And you're going on a date! It's already better than I expected."

Sasuke didn't want to know what those expectations were.

* * *

Sneaking out of the Common Room was easy, going undetected by the Prefects doing rounds for curfew was the hard part. But he was Uchiha Sasuke, of course he got through it just fine. 

When he reached the top of the tower, Naruto was already there, sitting on the dusty floor with a small basket beside him. Sasuke couldn't believe his first date with his long-time crush was a midnight picnic date with some stargazing on the side. He wanted to melt. Maybe he'd just try and ignore the fact this was all because of a love potion to feel better about himself.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to join me?" Naruto said.

Sasuke scoffed, but sat beside him anyway. "You Gryffindors are so cocky."

"Slytherins don't get a say about overconfidence." Naruto laughed, handing Sasuke a slice of treacle tart and a glass of Butterbeer.

"How did you even get these?"

Naruto shrugged, taking a sip of the mildly alcoholic butterscotch. "I have my ways."

The skies were clear, and Sasuke could see the vivid sparkles of the stars. Naruto was there beside him, bathing in the moonlight. He looked ethereal.

A wash of guilt spread through him, crashing in waves. This would have been picture perfect, if only Naruto's feelings were real and not just bewitched by some stupid pink concoction. He wanted this, longed for this moment. But it didn't feel right. It was unbecoming for a Slytherin to feel bad. They _were_ the bad.

"Naruto, I need to tell you something."

"Me too." 

"What?"

Naruto smiled, fond and gentle. "Yeah, but you go on ahead."

"No, you go first." Sasuke was suddenly...scared to ruin the moment.

"Stubborn as ever, aren't you?" the blonde chuckled. "Anyway, if it isn't obvious yet, I really like you, Sasuke. I have no idea what's gotten into me today, but I suddenly got the need to tell you this. Maybe it was the Peppermint Toads?" he gasped. "You didn't put Veritaserum on it, did you?"

Sasuke's breath hitched. "No, I–"

"Kidding." Naruto laughed, childish and vibrant. "But yeah, that's the gist of it. I hope you don't feel awkward or anything."

"I don't usually agree to sneak around at midnight for a picnic. Take a hint, dumbass." 

Naruto's eyes practically twinkled just as bright as the stars. "What, you like me too?" 

"Yes, I like you, Naruto. Do I have to spell it out?" 

"Hey, you weren't exactly being upfront about it!"

Sasuke felt sick to his stomach. He knew this would be gone by tomorrow, and everything Naruto had said was artificial, his feelings were a sham. But the selfish, cruel part of him needed this. He wanted Naruto to acknowledge and reciprocate his feelings, even just for a fleeting moment. So he swallowed the bile of shame and remorse rising up his throat, and smiled at Naruto.

"What was it you were going to say?" the Gryffindor asked, head tilting cutely to the side. 

"I forgot." Sasuke lied easily.

"My confession shocked you that much?" 

"Shut up, idiot."

Naruto chortled, evidently having way too much fun. And Sasuke was happy too. He knew this was temporary, but he'd already decided nothing could stop him from reveling in the evanescent bubble he was in.

"I want to kiss you." Naruto blurted out after a moment.

Sasuke's heart was in his throat, blocking his airway. He couldn't breathe. "What's stopping you?"

The blonde was on him in a milisecond, his hands gently cupping Sasuke's face. The kiss was chaste, sweet. Naruto tasted like butterbeer. He tasted like all the good things in the world. He tasted like a warm meadow in spring, like a hearth in the middle of a snowstorm. He tasted like the first sip of coffee in the morning. Naruto tasted like the sun, consuming and bright and full of life. Sasuke could lose himself in it.

They pulled away, it was nothing but a simple touch of their lips, but it was enough to leave them both breathless and smiling at each other like the idiots they were.

* * *

Somewhere in Hogsmeade, a shop was preparing to close for the day. A woman in glasses with fiery red hair, Karin was her name, was counting the cash on the register. There was another guy too, and he had the same pristine white hair as Suigetsu, and equally just as impish as his brother.

"I can't believe you put this thing out for sale." Karin said, picking up the heart-shaped vial from the huge crystal bowl. "It doesn't even work."

Mangetsu cackled. "Hey, it makes good money. Don't complain."

"You and your brother are insufferable."

Karin didn't really care. It was good money indeed.


End file.
